Best Google Image Search Terms

1. Cartoon crow
2. Birthday crying
3. Free clip art
4. Panda backpack
5. Fire hula hoop
6. Angry cat bath
7. Nebula light explosion
8. Crab face
9. Submarine cross-section
10. Grumpy old man

Best Places to Hide a Thing

1. Secret pocket
2. Mouth
3. Shoes
4. In fist, while holding a magic wand
5. Subconscious brain
6. LED Display
7. Say it backwards in a Beatles song
8. Pickle jar if you are around people who don't like pickles
9. MTA Brooklyn Bus Map footnotes
10. Deep pit in yard of enemy's childhood home

Fall TV Show Pitches

by W. GAVIN ROBB, guest blogger

1. Family that lives in a wind tunnel

2. Antiques Road Show meets the Hell's Angels

3. Saved By The Bell + Guy Who's Always Screaming

4. Crime show where head detective is a T-Rex

5. Spin the Wheel, Punch the Pope!

6. Band of Brothers: Unicorn Squad

7. Real World: Hot Air Balloon

8. Dawn of the Dead Drunk

9. Superman gets Lupus

10. CSI: Miami

Grossest Jelly Belly Flavors

1. Copper Penny
2. Cream of Tartar
3. 9 Volt Battery
4. Yarn Ball
5. Steel Wool
6. Ground Beef
7. Moldy Book
8. Salt
9. Shampoo
10. Fish Tank

[thanks to brainstormers Evan, Robie, Kate, Isaac]

Headlines I Want to See After McCain's Speech

by MICHAEL KROLL, guest blogger

1. IT'S ARTIFICIAL-HIP TO BE SQUARE
2. SOLITARY DEFINEMENT!
3. STAND UP!...SLOWLY

The Waterpipe Theater Podcast #2

Episode 2 of the radio drama that I record and edit for WESU 88.1 FM is up now, and this time it's an old-fashioned murder mystery that takes place on a film soundstage. My favorite aspect of this episode: the excellent Hollywood accents. The tagline: "Someone in this room is NOT a murderer!"

Listen here to Episode 2, "Sandbagged." (Previous episode here.)

Headlines I Want to See During RNC Week

by MICHAEL KROLL, guest blogger

1. HURRICANE RAINS ON MCCAIN'S PARADE
2. JOE BLOWS MCCAIN'S CAUCUS
3. HATE TALK SEXPRESS

4. SOUR MILF

5. HALF-BAKED ALASKAN

6. ALASKAN GRIPELINE
7. Prisoners Of Wow! / Princess Of Wow! / P.O.W.owsers! (Caption: Palin's Wo-Manifesto Takes RNC Prisoner)

8. N.H.L - NO HEAD LICKING (Caption: Hockey Mom Gets Penalty for Unsportsmanlike Grooming)

9. ALASKAN 'RIPE'-LINE (Caption: Palin Brings Filthy Family to RNC)

10. BABYHEADGATE

Overheard on 14th Street

Mother: "And what if you were an AIRPLANE?"
Small Girl: "Noooo! Stop it!"

Lies I've Heard at the Republican Convention (So Far)

1. "After 8 years, I know what it takes to be president"
2. His "beautiful wife" Cindy
3. "Fully qualified"
4. From the "great state" of Alaska
5. "So he called for more troops, and now we're winning"
6. "A man who never quits is never defeated"
7. An increasingly belligerent "Russia"
8. "Senator" Fred Thompson
9. "American" flags
10. "Freedoms"


[Posted today on 23/6]

Things I Should Really Know How To Do At My Age

1. Remove an ice cube from the ice cube tray without dropping all of them on the floor