Names Game!

by JONATHAN KIRCHNER, guest blogger

Pick which 5 of the following 10 names belong to Republican VP pick Sarah Palin's children! If you get all 5 correct without looking them up, you win a visit from our newest site sponsor, a trailer truck of Oreo cookies!

Bristol
Trig
Opus
Willow
Flimm
Piper
Grout
Track
Rose
Gary

Update: Correct answers are Bristol, Trig, Willow, Piper, and Track. But it looks like there's gonna be another Palin baby soon, so these names are still in play...my vote is for Grout. (ed)

How I'm Celebrating Michael Jackson's 50th Birthday

1. Shopping for tuxedo jackets and pajama pants
2. Climbing a tree in Central Park; buying it (the park)
3. Writing a sweet, sad song of betrayal entitled "Martin Bashir"
4. Giving birth to some kids that are biologically unrelated to me
5. Dressing up as an Egyptian princess and then dissolving into a pile of sand
6. Buying out the theater for "Peter Pan" on Broadway; taking all my bodyguards to see it
7. Moonwalking on a ferris wheel with my pet giraffe while twirling a parasol and singing nursery rhymes
8. Installing a combination Ms. Pac-Man/Sno-Cone Machine in every room I enter, all day
9. Listening to Off the Wall again and feeling bad about writing this list
10. Taking a look at the man in the mirror


[Posted today on The Huffington Post.]

Overheard on the Radio

Caller: Gas prices keep going up, it's like crazy, so what I do is, I shop around for the cheapest gas, in my case it's a Sunoco in the next town over, and I buy a $100 gas card, and so then no matter where I go, I use that!

Host: But...you're still paying $100 no matter what.

Caller: [...]

Host: If the price of gas goes up or down, you'll just get either more or less gas for your money. Paying in advance doesn't really do anything.

Caller: No, cuz like, I only pay, uh...

Host: No, because...see...

Caller: uh.....

[click]

[dial tone]

Treehouse Requirements

by EVAN SIMKO-BEDNARSKI, guest blogger

1. Bricked-in wine cellar
2. Rope elevator
3. Fireplace & chimney
4. Steam and/or gears
5. Calvin Johnson
6. Monkey, monkey bridges
7. Gunwales
8. Common law
9. Maths
10. Friends!!

Historical Figures I Most Identify With

1. J. Edgar Hoover
2. Cleopatra
3. Trotsky
4. Julia Child
5. Wolf Blitzer
6. Mozart
7. Jose Cuervo
8. Jane Eyre
9. Lewis (NOT Clark)
10. Michael Phelps

Top 5 Recent Dreams

by EMILIJA GUOBYTE, guest blogger

1. Digging for shoes in a sandstorm
2. Living in a tree-village
3. Raccoon-rat is my baby
4. I am Batman / cave-diving
5. My essay is due and my professor is John McCain

The only time in history that vomit was not funny.

My posts have been sparse this week because I've had tons of work things to do, er, trees to saw.... I wanted to share with you one of those work things, which was my first freelance gig for WNYC. I produced the first half of yesterday's episode of "Soundcheck," scripting an interview with the author of an excellent Jimi Hendrix biography who presented new evidence that Hendrix did not die of an accidental overdose, but was, in fact, 'murdered...by wine'.

Intrigued? You can listen to the show here -- complete with righteous tunes that I very much enjoyed picking out.

Overheard in a Starbucks off of Route 95

Tall Man: Madam, take dictation, please! Ahem. Dear Starbucks, it has come to my attention and concern that you no longer have in your repertoire those little sensual chocolate-covered graham crackers. These crackers have punctuated many a road trip, alcohol-infused late-night bender and love affair with the sweet sense of belonging that only a well-balanced dessert can bring. It is thus as your faithful consumer that I implore you to resume the sale of this spiritually-fulfilling snack. Most sincerely, Evan Michael Simko-Bednarski Esquire the First. Now, read that back to me please.

Movies I Could Have Made, If I Had Wanted To

by CHRIS ROSEN, guest blogger

1. Transformers
2. Brideshead Revisited
3. Weekend at Bernie's 2
4. any Ice Cube movie
5. My Left Foot
6. Cloverfield
7. Juno
8. Rashoman
9. Mulan
10. Good Will Hunting

Read more of Chris' stuff here.
Have a contribution? Email me...

Overheard in the Coffeeshop Where I Like to Work Quietly

Large Man: What the fuck! It's fucking hot as fuck in this fucking place!
Me: [...]
Large Man: Fuck! Why isn't my internet fucking...fuck!!
Me: [...]
Large Man: FUCKing...e-mail.