Dream Menu at Dream Restaurant

by JAKE GOLDMAN, guest blogger

APPETIZERS:

Little, tiny, edible guitars.....FREE

Chipolte-soaked Mini-Apple Pies, Gold Coins inside...Pay with Gold Coins

Hand Soap that tastes like Chicken Wing Sauce...$32 (worth it)

Any soup ever...$$Whatever you think soup should cost

SALADS:

Fourteen Hamburgers in a Bowl, Some Lettuce, Whatever....$7

All your Childhood Memories Diced Salad...You tell us. Could get ugly. (Please Call 24 hours in advance if you plan on ordering this one. Need to come in early and get a mind-meld or whatever.)

ENTREES:

Mystery Envelope: Large envelope stuffed with a mystery. Not food. It's an actual mystery you have to solve because the county police department had to make budget cuts. Please help.....$14

Kevin Spacey: Basically, you're going to eat Kevin Spacey. He doesn't know he's going to get eaten, he thinks it's a surprise party for him. We provide tools, you cook him however. Heard he's slippery, hard to tackle. Just be aware....If you pull this off AND it's good, we will pay you. Not sure how much yet because we haven't made much money on any of these dishes.

Chicken Parmesan: Don't get this because there's a knife inside of it.