Things You Can Get From a Dude on the NYC Subway

1. Directions
2. Glared at
3. Batteries, one dollar only
4. Burger King crowns, one dollar only
5. Hepatitis C
6. Cursed and/or blessed on behalf of the Lord Jesus Christ
7. An elbow to the kidney when a seat opens up
8. The advice to smile, life can't be that bad
9. An evocative sense of time and place
10. Strong opinions, stronger odors

Out of Place

1. Knitting at a football game
2. Networking at a funeral
3. Sleeping in a bar
4. Eating hamburgers in church
5. Praying on TV
6. Yodeling in court
7. Doing coke on the White House tour
8. Throwing a javelin in a coffee shop
9. Reading the newspaper on a first date
10. Snoring in my bed (seriously, get the hell out)

Feelin' Tiny, But Okay With It

From the April issue of Harper's Magazine, under "Findings":

An Arizona comologist urged scientists to search for a "shadow biosphere" that may exist, undetected, alongside our own. Shadow life, it has been suggested, would be descended of a "second genesis" and would prove that life on Earth evolved twice over.

A British astrophysicist calculated that 37,964 planets in the Milky Way are sufficiently hospitable to harbor higher life forms and that 361 are likely home to intelligent civilizations.

A Florida synthetic-biology lab announced the creation of a chemical compound capable of Darwinian evolution but said that the compoud was not yet capable of living on its own. "It is not self-sustaining," explained the lab's head scientist. "You have to have a graduate student stand there and feed it."

Best Ways to Express Your Love for Marshmallow Peeps

Do you love marshmallow peeps? I mean, really, really love them? Don't settle for just snacking on those sugary-sweet chickadees this Easter! Thanks to the Internet, and crazy people, there's oh so much more. Happy Easter, everybody!

1. Check out people's ridiculous fan pages and taking-themselves-too-seriously satire pages online! Or, for sticklers and purists, Peeps has an official site where you can go on a virtual tour of the JustBorn factory.

2. For the more adventurous, do scientific experiments on them! Freeze them with nitrogen and hit them with a hammer! Put them in a vacuum and shoot them into space! Whatever!

3. Purchase and then wear disgusting-sounding Peep Lip Balm!

4. Check out the annual Peep Diorama Contest at The Washington Post! You wouldn't believe some of the poses people put those peeps in... The Seattle Times, St. Paul Pioneer Press, and Chicago Tribune all have photo galleries, too.

5. Put them in your favorite Hitchcock film!

6. Make your own at home, following this video tutorial!

7. Or take some store-bought ones and bake them into a pie!

8. Write poems to your peeps!

9. Sing along to this album of songs all about peeps!

10. And finally, my personal favorite...dress your kids in them!

[Cross-posted at Air America]

For What, Exactly?

License plate spotted on a black sedan on DeKalb Ave:

IM2YUMMY

Things That I Feel Like I Should Not Enjoy,But Do

by JAY BOREN, guest blogger

1. Asparagus pee
2. Turbulent plane flights
3. Three-legged animals
4. Fat people wearing jogging suits
5. Plucking beard hairs from my chin

Things That I Feel Like I Should Enjoy,But Do Not

by JONATHAN KIRCHNER, guest blogger

1. Bleu Cheese
2. Steely Dan
3. Waking Hours Between 5 and 11 AM (at least sometimes, right?)
4. Getting Tickled
5. Reading

Interesting Point

April Fools Day at Air America

Words That Sound Like Body Parts But Aren't

1. Magma
2. Posthumous
3. Wicker
4. Trundle
5. Dregs
6. Phantom
7. Canoe
8. Boar
9. Coil
10. Shareware