Meanest Things Said Today By One of My Miserable, Miserable Coworkers

1. How hard do I have to frown at people before they realize that I don't like them?
2. So I went to go say hi to ___ today. That was my first mistake, obviously.
3. Did you hear ___ quit? Not like anyone will even notice.
4. I'm throwing my fucking back out frowning at everyone over here, it's exhausting.
5. Oh really? That's interesting. Let me set my Google News Alert to "fuck you".

Overheard at Work: Holidays Edition

Note: I work at a national radio network. These are real.

I. St. Patrick's Day

Board Operator: Can I drink beer in the studio today?
Programming Director: Weren't you the one who spilled champagne on the studio controls and shorted out the phone system on election night?
Board Operator: God, that happened ONE TIME, okay??


II. Earth Day

Board Operator, to radio host, before show: Okay so for Earth Day, do you want me to get the kid pooping in the bucket?
Host: Yes.

GOP Tea Party

Background on this story here and here. I play a small role in this video by Sam Seder from Air America's BreakRoomLive:

April Fools Day at Air America

Overheard Recently on NPR

by ELIZABETH BOUDREAU, guest blogger

I.) Economy explainer: "The problem, what's really going on here, is that the banks have underwritten some bad loans and now they don't have enough capital to cover their a... their... their.... debts!"

II.) Melissa Block: "This is All Things Considered on NPR, I'm Robert S -- I'm Melissa Block."

Best Talk Radio Interview Questions

by CHRIS ROSEN, guest blogger

1. Describe the Internet.
2. Follow up: how are you?
3. And, what language are you speaking at the moment?
4. Have you read the newspaper? And if so, could you please tell us what it says?
5. What are your thoughts on genocide, and do you come down for or against?
6. Do I need to buy groceries later?
7. Do you ever just feel like crying for no reason?
8. This is a three-parter: what is global warming? Are you a man or a woman? And finally, where are we?
9. Also, and this is important: what does that have to do with anything?
10. Final question: what else ya got?

Lumberjack on the TV

I used to produce a weekly radio show hosted by Sam Seder, who now has a daily webcast thingy with Marc Maron called "Maron v. Seder", which you can watch or podcast here. It's political and funny and sarcastic and great. Lately they're doing a series for the show called "Meet the Co-Workers," and here's the one where they meet me:

Hi, folks

Apologies for the lapse, there, my dear readers.... After the election and some job-shifting here at the radio, not to mention a full acre and a half of giant redwoods that wasn't going to chop/de-branch/log/float down a river all by themselves, I needed a bit of a breather.

But I would like to share this radio show I produced for Soundcheck, featuring two guests talking about the search for folk music, then and now; namely, by the labels Smithsonian Folkways and Dust to Digital. Featuring some great tunes by Woody Guthrie, Leadbelly, and some amazing gospel tunes that you've almost certainly never heard before. Enjoy, yall! Be back tomorrow with more logs, er, I mean, lists.

Things You Should Not Do While Calling in to a Radio Show

1. Walk all 8 of your Rottweilers
2. Mow a lawn
3. Drive a tugboat
4. Sit on a washing machine
5. Ride a trolleycar
6. Operate a jack-hammer
7. Fight a forest fire
8. Shovel coal into the furnace of a locomotive
9. Cave-dive
10. Cry

Ex-Squeeze You

I worked on WNYC's program "Soundcheck" again yesterday, producing this segment with one of the dudes from the 80's Britpop band Squeeze. If you're like me, you may think you've never heard of them before. But trust me, if you have ever seen a commercial for Gap, Burger King, Heineken, Dentyne, or been to a karaoke bar, or regular bar, or even so much as walked past a radio ever in your life, then you have. Listen to the song coming in to the segment and groan along with the rest of us.

The guest, Chris Difford, also played in the studio, and he picked a song called "Fat as a Fiddle," which has really funny lyrics about how he can't put on his socks anymore, and it's the lead single off of his new solo album called The Last Temptation of Chris, which I think is even funnier.

The Waterpipe Theater Podcast #2

Episode 2 of the radio drama that I record and edit for WESU 88.1 FM is up now, and this time it's an old-fashioned murder mystery that takes place on a film soundstage. My favorite aspect of this episode: the excellent Hollywood accents. The tagline: "Someone in this room is NOT a murderer!"

Listen here to Episode 2, "Sandbagged." (Previous episode here.)

Overheard on the Radio

Caller: Gas prices keep going up, it's like crazy, so what I do is, I shop around for the cheapest gas, in my case it's a Sunoco in the next town over, and I buy a $100 gas card, and so then no matter where I go, I use that!

Host: But...you're still paying $100 no matter what.

Caller: [...]

Host: If the price of gas goes up or down, you'll just get either more or less gas for your money. Paying in advance doesn't really do anything.

Caller: No, cuz like, I only pay, uh...

Host: No, because...see...

Caller: uh.....

[click]

[dial tone]

The only time in history that vomit was not funny.

My posts have been sparse this week because I've had tons of work things to do, er, trees to saw.... I wanted to share with you one of those work things, which was my first freelance gig for WNYC. I produced the first half of yesterday's episode of "Soundcheck," scripting an interview with the author of an excellent Jimi Hendrix biography who presented new evidence that Hendrix did not die of an accidental overdose, but was, in fact, 'murdered...by wine'.

Intrigued? You can listen to the show here -- complete with righteous tunes that I very much enjoyed picking out.

You Make Me Wanna Shout

I was just looking for clips of my radio work to pitch a freelance piece, and I found this link to my entry into the Public Radio Talent Quest, in which I do my best NPR impression and interview my friend Jake about a humiliating pre-teen experience at a Bar Mitzvah. With music by Arizona. What's not to love? (I did not win.)

The Waterpipe Theater Podcast #1

Here's the link to a radio drama that I recorded and edited, called The League of Righteousness. Superheroes in love? In space? Yes please.

These very excellent Waterpipe Theater dramas are broadcast on the first Sunday of every month on my alma mater radio station, WESU 88.1 FM in Middletown, CT. Next episode: a murder mystery that takes place in a locked theater soundstage.