Thursday, April 30, 2009

Possible Titles For a Memoir of My New York
City Years

1. Why Does Everything Have to Smell Like Cigarettes and Poop?: A Memoir

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Dr. Pepper/Rapper Game Answers!

Thanks to everybody who gave their best guesses on yesterday's quiz. If you're like me, you will be delighted to learn that out of the 15 names below, only two are rappers: Dr. Octagon and D-Nice. All the rest are Dr. Pepper knockoffs, which Jonathan and Dan found on this site, Fake Dr. Pepper Land. Check it out; there are so many more there in the incredibly extensive gallery that didn't make it into the quiz. My personal favorite is Giant Eagle Brand's "Mr. aahh".

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Pop Quiz: Dr. Pepper Knockoff or Rapper?

by JONATHAN KIRCHNER and DAN MORRIS, guest bloggers

1. Dr. Octagon
2. Dr. K
3. Doc Holiday
4. Mr. Sipp Soda
5. Select Dr. D
6. Dr. Riffic
7. Dr. Smooth
8. D-Nice
9. Doc Shasta
10. Dr. Schnee
11. Dr. Randall
12. Dr. HyTop
13. Dr. Dazzle
14. Dr. Radical
15. Dr. Delight

Post your guesses in comments...answers in tomorrow's post. No cheating!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

Overheard at Work: Holidays Edition

Note: I work at a national radio network. These are real.

I. St. Patrick's Day

Board Operator: Can I drink beer in the studio today?
Programming Director: Weren't you the one who spilled champagne on the studio controls and shorted out the phone system on election night?
Board Operator: God, that happened ONE TIME, okay??

II. Earth Day

Board Operator, to radio host, before show: Okay so for Earth Day, do you want me to get the kid pooping in the bucket?
Host: Yes.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Yesterday I had the privilege of being a guest blogger on the excellent, hilarious and addictive site Bummer! and you can read my entry here.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Truly Terrible Gift Idea of the Day

Spotted on Amazon, advertised as "perfect for Mother's Day," this "Retro Candy Gift Box" is available in several decades. Here is their 1940's version.

(Happy Birthday, Mom! I didn't buy you this.)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Best Ways to Get Your Car Washed for Free

1. Drive through shallow lake
2. Drive through waterfall
3. Trick your neighbor into doing it for you by switching your license plates with his
4. Have kids, wait 10 years
5. Trick your cat into doing it for you
6. Sell your car to a clean person, buy it back
7. Sit on hood, read Bridge to Terabithia and wash it with your tears
8. Cover it in chocolate syrup and get real hungry
9. Put it in the dishwasher
10. Make a car out of soap

Monday, April 20, 2009

Words That Get On My Nerves For
Some Reason

1. Twitter
2. Tweet
3. Tween
4. Twee
5. Teeny
6. Teeter
7. Twit
8. Toot
9. Tort
10. Staycation

Friday, April 17, 2009

Best New Baby Names of 2009

1. Klev
2. Klarn
3. Beggles
4. Fink
5. Delgrab
6. Wouters
7. Rindin
8. Saldo
9. Mardo
10. Gary

Thursday, April 16, 2009

GOP Tea Party

Background on this story here and here. I play a small role in this video by Sam Seder from Air America's BreakRoomLive:

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Things You Can Get From a Dude on the NYC Subway

1. Directions
2. Glared at
3. Batteries, one dollar only
4. Burger King crowns, one dollar only
5. Hepatitis C
6. Cursed and/or blessed on behalf of the Lord Jesus Christ
7. An elbow to the kidney when a seat opens up
8. The advice to smile, life can't be that bad
9. An evocative sense of time and place
10. Strong opinions, stronger odors

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Out of Place

1. Knitting at a football game
2. Networking at a funeral
3. Sleeping in a bar
4. Eating hamburgers in church
5. Praying on TV
6. Yodeling in court
7. Doing coke on the White House tour
8. Throwing a javelin in a coffee shop
9. Reading the newspaper on a first date
10. Snoring in my bed (seriously, get the hell out)

Monday, April 13, 2009

Feelin' Tiny, But Okay With It

From the April issue of Harper's Magazine, under "Findings":
An Arizona comologist urged scientists to search for a "shadow biosphere" that may exist, undetected, alongside our own. Shadow life, it has been suggested, would be descended of a "second genesis" and would prove that life on Earth evolved twice over.

A British astrophysicist calculated that 37,964 planets in the Milky Way are sufficiently hospitable to harbor higher life forms and that 361 are likely home to intelligent civilizations.

A Florida synthetic-biology lab announced the creation of a chemical compound capable of Darwinian evolution but said that the compoud was not yet capable of living on its own. "It is not self-sustaining," explained the lab's head scientist. "You have to have a graduate student stand there and feed it."

Friday, April 10, 2009

Best Ways to Express Your Love for Marshmallow Peeps

Do you love marshmallow peeps? I mean, really, really love them? Don't settle for just snacking on those sugary-sweet chickadees this Easter! Thanks to the Internet, and crazy people, there's oh so much more. Happy Easter, everybody!

1. Check out people's ridiculous fan pages and taking-themselves-too-seriously satire pages online! Or, for sticklers and purists, Peeps has an official site where you can go on a virtual tour of the JustBorn factory.

2. For the more adventurous, do scientific experiments on them! Freeze them with nitrogen and hit them with a hammer! Put them in a vacuum and shoot them into space! Whatever!

3. Purchase and then wear disgusting-sounding Peep Lip Balm!

4. Check out the annual Peep Diorama Contest at The Washington Post! You wouldn't believe some of the poses people put those peeps in... The Seattle Times, St. Paul Pioneer Press, and Chicago Tribune all have photo galleries, too.

5. Put them in your favorite Hitchcock film!

6. Make your own at home, following this video tutorial!

7. Or take some store-bought ones and bake them into a pie!

8. Write poems to your peeps!

9. Sing along to this album of songs all about peeps!

10. And finally, my personal favorite...dress your kids in them!

[Cross-posted at Air America]

Thursday, April 9, 2009

For What, Exactly?

License plate spotted on a black sedan on DeKalb Ave:


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Things That I Feel Like I Should Not Enjoy,
But Do

by JAY BOREN, guest blogger

1. Asparagus pee
2. Turbulent plane flights
3. Three-legged animals
4. Fat people wearing jogging suits
5. Plucking beard hairs from my chin

Monday, April 6, 2009

Things That I Feel Like I Should Enjoy,
But Do Not

by JONATHAN KIRCHNER, guest blogger

1. Bleu Cheese
2. Steely Dan
3. Waking Hours Between 5 and 11 AM (at least sometimes, right?)
4. Getting Tickled
5. Reading

Friday, April 3, 2009

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Words That Sound Like Body Parts But Aren't

1. Magma
2. Posthumous
3. Wicker
4. Trundle
5. Dregs
6. Phantom
7. Canoe
8. Boar
9. Coil
10. Shareware