Best Ways to Make a Dry Martini

by JOHN CUSICK, guest blogger

Legend has it Winston Churchill liked his martinis so dry he would only glance sideways at a bottle of vermouth while preparing them. But did you know you can make an even drier martini?

1. Glance sideways at a bottle of vermouth...that's in a different room!
2. Ship a bottle of vermouth to a friend in Canada. Drink your martini while talking to that friend on the phone.
3. Say the world "vermouth" into a box. Bury the box. Drink a glass of gin.
4. Watch a film that may or may not contain a bottle of vermouth.
5. Ask your dad to write "vermouth" backwards. Not now, but later. When you're not around.
6. Read a book about France while drinking a glass of gin.
7. Buy a vermouth factory. Burn it. Move to Spain. Drink a glass of gin.
8. Travel back in time and shoot Jean-Claude Vermouth, inventor of vermouth. Drink a glass of gin over his bloody corpse.
9. Place an empty martini glass on your counter. Stare at it. (Known as an "Ultra-Dry Martini.")
10. Drink a Collins glass full of vermouth. Declare it "opposite day."

[Please visit John's new book-cocktail-lingerie project here.]